Without You
by Geselle
Summary: Sam's first Christmas at Stanford.


The reputed Ivy League college of Stanford was basking in the spirit of the holidays. The corridors were covered with decorations for the Annual Winter Dance, people were busy cramming colored flyers all over the walls, students were bustling about with essays and papers, all set to submit them before the holidays began; there was chatter all around regarding everybody's holiday-plans.

Everyone was elated by the atmosphere of Christmas. Everyone except a first-year student named Sam Winchester. He was buried under a huge pile of law books in the library. He was, in fact, the only person present there who was doing some serious work. Even the librarian, Mr. Black, was busy inviting his friends over for a Christmas party. 'No, Remus will be bringing the beer. Yeah, you could bring the pizza, Arthur,' he said into his phone.

Sam looked up from his books at the librarian with a slightly annoyed expression. 'What? It's Christmas! You're the only one who's studying in the entire college,' Mr. Black said.

Sam just shrugged and returned back to his books. The library's door swung open and in walked Jessica. She had long blonde hair with beautiful eyes that glimmered and her lips were curled up in a smile. 'There you are!' she said and sprinted over quickly to Sam's table. 'What on Earth _are_ you doing here?' she added.

'Studying, as you can see,' Sam said as he got up to get a book that was at the far end of the table. Jessica quickly grabbed the book before Sam could take it. 'Nuh-uh. No more studying for you, Mister,' she said.

'Jess, please give me the book, I have a paper to submit,' Sam said.

'When? Next month? Because I know it for a fact that no sane person in their right mind would ever give a paper to write during Christmas,' Jessica said and kept the book in the nearest shelf.

'It's due three weeks later,' Sam said with a grin.

'See, I knew it! I just don't get _how_ unbelievably nerdy my boyfriend is,' Jessica said, feigning great thoughtfulness.

'That's 'cause he's gonna be the best lawyer in the state,' Sam said, keeping aside his books.

'Taking a break for three days won't stop him from becoming that,' Jessica said and smiled.

'I know but I don't wanna take a break,' Sam said and once again started copying down his notes.

'C'mon it's Christmas! Take a break, have some eggnog, go out with me, call your brother…do anything but get away from those fat-ass books!' Jessica wailed.

Sam gave a short laugh but then instantly his face turned serious. 'Jessica, you know how I feel about this time of the year,' he said.

'Yeah, but just because you've had a share of crappy Christmases doesn't mean you're gonna hate it forever. Christmas is about miracles, right? Maybe, maybe a miracle's about to happen to you. Maybe he'll finally call you!' Jessica said excitedly.

'What? No, that's not gonna happen. I know him too well, he won't call,' Sam said and seemed quite disappointed about it.

'Well then, you could call him. That'd be a good surprise,' Jessica said, trying to cheer him up.

'It'd be a surprise alright, I'm just not sure whether it'd be a good one,' Sam said and turned to face one of the windows. The sky outside was clear and the pointy branches of the pine trees were covered with shimmering lights.

'Hey, don't say that. He's your brother, Sam. And which brother wouldn't be happy to get a call from his younger one,' Jessica said softly.

'Well, Dean isn't exactly your typical average brother,' Sam said, staring at the pitch-black sky.

'Whatever, you have to get out of here in 5 minutes or I will rip your heart out, jerk!' Jessica got up from the chair and said with a tone of finality.

'Okay, okay bi-' Sam stopped midsentence, then continued, 'be right up.'

Jessica left Sam after threatening him to be at the cafeteria in twenty minutes. Sam started keeping all the books in their respective shelves. As he was keeping his copy of Law-some Larry by Miranda Bagshot (an inspirational book about lawyers lent to him by one of his teachers; the book was quite bogus and Lame Larry would've been a much better title for the book, according to Sam's opinions) in his bag, Sam's fingers touched something hard and rough. He caught hold of it and fished it out of the depths of his bag.

It was a battered old metallic box with the words 'To Sam, Merry Christmas' carved on it in a more or less legible handwriting.

In an instant, Sam's mind traveled back to the Christmas of 1989…

'_Sammy, wake up already! It's Christmas morning!' Dean yelled heartily. He sprinted over to Sam's bed and started tugging at the blanket covering his younger brother's tiny head. 'Get up!' he added._

_Sam pulled down the covers of the blanket and said in a muffled voice,' No, I wanna sleep some more.'_

'_You wanna sleep more? Sam, it's Christmas morning! Don't you wanna open your presents?' Dean said excitedly._

'_There are presents?' Sam shot up from under the blanket. 'There are presents…for me?' He said the words carefully._

'_Of course, silly! It's Christmas, obviously there are presents,' Dean said._

'_But I thought only good kids receive presents. Remember, I didn't have the soup yesterday? And you said I'm becoming hard to manage?' Sam asked aloud._

'_Well, yeah but I was just joking! You're, you're an okay kid,' Dean said patting his brother's back. _Sammy always gets all worked up and guilty for the tiniest things, _Dean thought. No matter what Sam did, Dean never got mad at his little brother. Not that Sam gave him a lot of opportunities to get mad. _

_Sam's scrawny little face beamed back at Dean when he said that he was an okay kid. He got out of the blankets and went to the living room, Dean following him behind._

_Sam's mouth curled up into a big grin at the sight of the living room. There was a Christmas tree right at the centre; strewn with colored paper and sparkly balls, the Christmas tree was complete with tiny multi-colored lights (the blubs of some of which were fused due to excessive use) and a bright silver star adorning the top. There were a few boxes wrapped in colored paper which were placed one on top of the other just below the tree._

_Sam ran over and started picking up the presents one by one. 'This one has my name on it!' he yelled happily. In no time, the wrapping paper was ripped to shreds by Sam's tiny but powerful fingers. 'Hey look, jelly beans!' he said with a huge grin playing across his dimpled face._

'_You like them, right?' Dean asked apprehensively._

'_Yeah, they come in so many flavors!' Sam said happily. Dean beamed back at him. _

_The next present was a small packet and this too, was addressed to Sam. It was a pair of turtledoves attached to each other from their wings. 'What's this?' Sam wondered._

'_It's, it's a turtledove, Sammy. You don't like it?' Dean asked, his voice having a hint of nervousness to it._

'_Yeah, but what am I supposed to do with it?' Sam asked, his eyes scrutinizing the unusual present._

'_It's a Christmas decoration actually,' Dean said, relieved that his brother didn't hate the doves. He added, 'See how they're attached at the wings? Does it remind you of something?' _

'_Yeah, us. Like we're always together, these two also won't stay without each other 'cause they're stuck to each other,' Sam said._

'_I was gonna say Dodo birds,' Dean said. But then added, 'Your explanation's pretty good too,' when he saw his brother's face becoming a shade of disappointment. 'Okay, now open the next one!' he added._

_The next gift was a little larger and heavier than the others. Sam half-expected it to be the Super Mario game his friends had been raving about at school. He unwrapped the gift at a slightly faster rate._

'_Wow, this is…' was all Sam said. It was a shiny metallic box with the words '_To Sam, Merry Christmas,_' carved on it. 'Santa knows my name!' he added with great pride. His elder brother beamed at him in reply._

'_Well, go ahead, open it,' Dean said. _

_Dean gazed at his brother apprehensively, as Sam carefully unlatched the lock, his excitement rising with every passing second. _

_It was…_

… A calculator.

Sam's mind instantaneously came back to the present surroundings. He'd forgotten all about it, the old calculator. He hadn't even realized that it had been there, right at the bottom of his bag. Sam had been using this calculator from that very Christmas he'd got it as a gift from his brother.

So much had changed since then, they had grown up; Sam had found out that those presents weren't from Santa; he'd come to know about his dad's 'profession'; he'd left his brother and father and come here to Stanford; Christmas, which used to be the most exciting day, had turned out be like any other crappy day. But the calculator remained the same. It looked exactly the way it did when he'd first taken it out of that metallic box, it worked perfectly as well.

And, he could've easily left it back home, because who really needs a calculator nowadays? But somewhere deep, deep, down, he couldn't, he _wouldn't_ part ways with this piece of his childhood.

Somewhere deep, deep, down this calculator reminded him of his brother. Just the way Dean never stopped with his usual Christmas rituals (waking Sam up, then having him open his presents)- he even did the same, the year before Sam left for his college- this calculator never stopped working. It was like a constant reminder for Sam that even if relations break apart, even if people change, even if life doesn't remain its sweet self, even if the world ends, some things don't change…ever.

Sam kept the calculator carefully into the battered box and smiled slightly. Within a few seconds, he was broken out of his reverie by the tune of Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer playing from his cell phone. He took it out of his jacket's pocket and saw his girlfriend's name flashing on the screen.

'I'm gonna be so dead,' Sam muttered to himself and bracingly answered the call.

'You're coming or do I have to tell Brian to drag you out of that God-forsaken library?' Jessica said. Her voice sounded curt and dead-serious.

'I'm on way, Jess. You don't have to send anyone,' Sam lied.

'Alright, love. Be here soon. They're going to air It's A Wonderful Life in the auditorium in about, ten minutes,' Jessica said.

'Yeah, I'll be there,' said Sam.

Sam kept the old metallic box inside his bag, safe and sound, and zipped it close. As he walked out of the library, a faint smile played on his lips. A smile brought about by the Christmas gift given to him by his brother, sixteen years ago, re-discovered once again, which, by its mere presence made Sam's Christmas Eve a little less crappier and a little more brighter.

Sam had been right after all, Dean Winchester wasn't the typical average elder brother. He was something much greater than that.


End file.
